


Hide's Memories (one-shots)

by alexanderotis47



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Anxiety, Child Abuse, Depression, Multi, Panic Attacks, Self-Loathing, Violence, more to be added soon - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 06:32:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16057496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexanderotis47/pseuds/alexanderotis47
Summary: A collection of one-shots based off of my Fanfiction work You Quiet the Voices Inside My Head. This is very Hideyoshi Nagachika centric.





	Hide's Memories (one-shots)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [You Quiet the Voices Inside My Head](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14728206) by [alexanderotis47](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexanderotis47/pseuds/alexanderotis47). 
  * Inspired by [You Quiet the Voices Inside My Head](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14728206) by [alexanderotis47](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexanderotis47/pseuds/alexanderotis47). 
  * Inspired by [You Quiet the Voices Inside My Head](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14728206) by [alexanderotis47](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexanderotis47/pseuds/alexanderotis47). 



My First Concert

“Every way you wonder if your wrong.”

Everyway you wonder if your wrong.”

“Inaccurate and imprecise.”

There is no gift without a price,” Hide sung softly to the music quietly pumping through his radio that morning. He was going through the same, boring routine he always went through as he got ready to go to the same boring school he always went to. Right now, he was deciding just how big of a fashion disaster he wanted to be today, did he want to wear an obnoxious green shirt with orange pants today or did he want to surprise people and wear all black today for once? It wasn’t like Hide thought he was a fashion disaster, he loved his wardrobe style, however his parents always scoffed at the weird color combinations Hide came up with. After many failed arguments of trying to force Hide to wear ‘appropriate’ clothes, they’ve given up, much to Hide’s relief. It felt good to win for once, although it had made them even more pushy when it came to keeping his grades up.  
Hide decided he’d wear the green shirt and orange pants. It would make it easier to put on the same old, happy, fallacious mask of joy and friendliness he always put on to hide from the world how colorless and destructive his world was behind closed doors and inside his head. Once he got dressed he walked up to his mirror to stare at his freckled covered, tired eyed face. Instead of sleeping Hide found it a better use of his time rest by escape his world through music after drilling himself through math equation after math equation for hours. Even after countless times of getting the practice equations right, he still continued to test himself because he knew that even if it seemed perfect, it wasn’t. He needed to try harder. To make sure absolutely nothing could trip him up during the next test.

This face simply wouldn’t do, Hide thought to himself as he went searching through his drawers in search of the makeup his stole from his mother. After a bit of trial and error, he finally found what he was looking for and quickly worked at hiding the bags under his eyes. As he peered closer he noted the small bruise under his chin from a few nights ago when his father grabbed his chin harshly when Hide had a hard time keeping his mouth shut. Hide was excitedly talking about the Circa Survive concert that would be in the city two weeks from now, about an hour and a half away. His father decided he needed help in shutting up, especially after telling him many times that he had to focus on his studies instead of going to a concert, so he walked over and snapped his mouth shut forcefully for him. Shit. He hoped nobody saw that bruise. No matter. With a little bit of makeup, it was gone.

“Let’s go you little hyperactive bunny. We’re going to be late,” his brother, Daichi said with a smirk leaning against his door jamb, his head bobbing a little at the quiet music filtering through the room. His older brother had the same dark brown hair Hide had and the same bright, perceptive amber eyes though a lot more slanted than Hide’s eyes. They differed when it came to facial structure though, his brother’s features were slimmer, and his jaw line was a lot more defined than Hide’s. When it came to his body, he was slim, very fit and had six pack abs which was to be expected since he was the star track athlete at their school and the wet dream of every girl at school. Hide guessed, well more so hoped that he when he grew up he would develop an awesome body like that, but for now he was stick with his baby, freckled face and his stupid pudgy noise. Or at least it looked pudgy to him. The only imperfection his brother had was the mole that was near his left eyelid.

These were the moments his big brother acted like how a big brother was supposed to act. He only acted this way when his parents weren’t around. When his parents were around, he was quiet. He never came to Hide’s defense, but there were moments afterwards where he would take a look at Hide’s wounds, chiding him for making their parents angry. That part pissed him off. He hated getting another lecture right after having one from his parents. His brother didn’t understand because he was the favorite.

“Yeah, I’m almost ready,” Hide said, attempting to straighten out his messy brunette hair, which he knew was in vain (it was later when he adopted his trademark bi-colored hair look but that story was for another time). Then the younger walked over to his radio and turned it off before grabbing his backpack and walking out of his room.

“That’s some pretty good tunes you got there,” his brother commented as he followed his younger brother downstairs.

“Thanks. It’s Circa Survive,” Hide responded in a clipped tone, resisting the urge to add ‘you know, the band I really really wanted to go see at the concert a few days ago?’ to his sentence.

His brother nodded in understanding as they walked out of the house. Hide marched on ahead while his brother locked up the house behind him before going back to follow Hide in walking to school.

“That’s the band you were talking about to Dad right?” Daichi asked, although his tone made it sound like he already knew the answer to his question.

“Yeah,” Hide said, resisting the urge to sigh as he remembered how heartbroken he was when his dad instantly said no to his request. Instead he plastered a care free smile on his face. Now that he was in the public eye, he couldn’t show his true colors. How disgusting he felt inside.

“They sound really cool,” Daichi nodded again, “Did you just recently get into them? I thought you like stuff like the Backstreet Boys.”

“Yeah, I still am! I’m just trying something new! Backstreet Boys will always be my favorite, but face it, they’ll never come around this area. Circa Survive is the next best thing! Their lyrics are very meaningful to me. Everyone my age already has been to their first concert…but I guess I’m just gonna have to wait until I’m older,” Hide responded, trying to stay optimistic, even though he wished his brother would just drop the whole discussion of bands. He didn’t want to be reminded that all his hard work to be behaved and to do well in school was all for naught. He knew a long time ago they would be coming to the city nearby and he was doing everything he could to get into his parent’s good graces in hopes that they would let him go. Of course, they wouldn’t. They would always find fault in whatever he did, and he was stupid for thinking otherwise. Still that little shred of hope wouldn’t leave him, and he just had to try it out.

“Yeah…maybe,” Daichi responded as they walked the rest of the way in silence. Once they approached the school building that changed. The group of girls that usually stood outside the school waiting for Daichi soon walked over and the world became a mess of girlish laughter and squealing. Hide, being the little brother, decided to make teasing gagging noises towards his brother before darting away towards the entrance of the school before he could do anything about it. He could feel the darkness and dread push down on his shoulders once he walked in, but the smile on his face stayed, never showing how he really felt about being here. All he wanted to do was curl up on his bed and let his music take him away from this world.

He chirped out a friendly good morning to students and teachers alike that acknowledged him, ignoring how robotic this action felt as he stopped at his locker to grab the books he would need for class. Once he gathered up his books he made his way to his first class, his lips were twitching with his forced smile and he realized with slight alarm that it might be a little more difficult to play his role today. He sat down at his desk and covered his mouth with a hand, feigning boredom at having to sit through his first class rather than the sadness threatening to choke him alive. It didn’t help that a group of girls near him were talking about going to the Circa Survive concert themselves.

It wasn’t the point that Hide felt left out or awkward that he hadn’t gone to his first concert yet, although that was one reason why he was so bummed out about it. He had other reasons, like how he wanted his first concert to be a band that he loved and appreciated. Circa Survive, though a new discovery to the teen, had songs that touched Hide in a way his usual pop songs never did. Later on, he would discover more bands that would also touch and soothe the dark depression starting to weave its way into his life, but at this point in his life, it was Circa Survive that did. He was also bored and a little stir crazy from having to sit at home to study all day when he wasn’t at school. Hell, he was already pushing it by listening to music into the wee hours into the morning. If his parents found out they would no doubt take his phone away. He wouldn’t be able to handle it. His phone was his only connection to the outside world. While he didn’t want to exactly associate with people in the outside world, he was still desperate for that escape out of the little world he was restrained to.

He was thankful when the teacher finally strode into the room, effectively quieting the girls giggling excitedly next to him and everyone else in the room. It didn’t quiet the dark pit slowly growing inside him as he thought about missing that concert though.

That dark pit slowly grew as the day progressed and by the time lunch ended and Hide was free from conversating with the people he supposed were his ‘friends’ (but they talked more like they were acquaintances) to be back inside a classroom, Hide felt his mask falter. The world became a blur and he felt himself itching to put on his headphones to chase the darkness away, to chase away the reality of his life. Of course, he knew he would have to wait, so he busied himself with doodling in his notebook.

Once school was out, Hide rushed home. Somedays he would hang back and watch his brother practice on the track field, sometimes joining people who were practicing, but doing so always made him feel a bit sad. After several failed attempts at following in his brother’s footsteps like his parents wanted and after several ‘bad grades’ Hide decided to quit track. Since he was already feeling quite depressed today, Hide decided not to wait for his brother and go home.

Once there, he was thankful to find the house completely empty. The teen walked up to his room, closing the door behind him before he dug out his phone and headphones. He dropped off his backpack near his desk cluttered in graded assignments and books before he grabbed his swivel chair and dragged it over to the lone window he had. He dropped down into the chair, gently rocking side to side as he settled his headphones over his ears. He had a direct look outside to their driveway so when his parents returned home he could pretend he was studying this whole time instead of indulging himself in his music.

When that first note filtered through his headphones Hide felt his muscles relax. He leaned back in his chair with a soft sigh like a druggy, relieved to receive his first hit after a long day being away from his drug. He rocked gently to the music before he turned to look out back the window to stare at the streaky clouds lolling by.

Before he knew it, he saw his father’s shiny silver car pull into the driveway. He swallowed down the small amount of fear that bubbled up every time he knew his father was in the general vicinity. He didn’t know if it was because of all the years as a young child of being smacked around that made him feel a little afraid around his father or because he exuded such a threatening aura. Either way, the teen quickly hid his phone, pushing himself to his desk as he pulled out a random textbook from his backpack, feeling his depression crawl back inside him as he returned to reality.

Hide felt his muscles tense when he heard his father’s footsteps on the stairs, but instead of looking back in expectation, he pretended to be enamored with his earth science book. Even though he was already familiar with this routine, he still felt unnerved with it. When his parents got home they would always walk into his room to check if he was there to check if he was studying. Whether or not he was there, he knew they would look over his graded assignments. They insisted on seeing his graded assignments. Every. Single. One. Of course, Hide had tried to hide the particularly bad ones, but that never stopped them. He found a long time ago that they’d call up the school, obsessively asking about his grades on his recent assignments. If they found he hadn’t shown them a particular paper, then he’d have hell to pay for it. This hell would depend on the grade he received. Mostly he’d get lectures, but if it was a particularly bad one (or at least bad in their taste which ranged anything below an A-) he might get more than a lecture.

When he heard his father walk into the room he didn’t look up, he kept his eyes glued on his book, even as he walked closer. Hide continued to stare at his book, ignoring  
the way his body flinched when his father reached out to grab one of the stray papers on his desk. An essay. He flipped through it, humming.

“You’ve misplaced a couple commas,” the man muttered.

Hide stayed silent. He still earned a decent grade for the essay, so he wasn’t particularly nervous about his father yelling at him or worse. It still annoyed him and made fear shoot down his spine when he nitpicked over everything he did.

“Do better next time,” the man responded as he set the paper down, “And for heaven’s sake, organized your desk. Do you live in a pig sty?”

“Yes sir. No, I don’t live in a pig sty,” Hide said, monotoned. His father stood there for a few more moments before he seemed satisfied with Hide’s answer and left. Hide sighed out in relief, feeling his chest and throat relax as his breathing returned to normal. With reluctance he returned his attention fully to his textbook. There would be no moving from this desk unless it was dinner time, if he needed to use the bathroom, or when he had to shower. His parents checked on him periodically to make sure he was still studying, and while he could goof off sometimes, he tended not to because it was a lot harder to detect his mother’s footsteps versus his father’s.

An hour later, his brother and mother arrived home and his mother began to make dinner. Hide listened to his brother walk upstairs to make his way to his room, but he was confused when he heard his footsteps pause right in front of his door. There was a soft knock at his door before he heard Daichi’s soft voice filter through,” Yo, can I come in?”

Uhm…okay weird, Hide thought to himself. Usually Daichi just went off and did his own thing. With a small sense of dread Hide was struck with the fear that perhaps his brother saw his mask slip off. Maybe he knew that he was pretending to be happy this whole time and was going to lecture him about it or recommend he talked to the school counselor.

“Yeah,” Hide responded, hiding his fear behind a soft smile as he swiveled around to face his brother who looked back out the doorway as if he was making sure no one would listen into their conversation. Then he closed the door. Okay…strange, Hide thought to himself as his eyes shifted from the closed door and back up to Daichi.

“So…what do you want?” Hide asked.

“Well remember how you mentioned wanting to go to that concert,” Daichi started, his hand going back to slip into the back pocket of his jeans.

“Yeah…?”

“Well a group of my friends wanted to go and asked if I could tag along, they already paid for my ticket. Another one of my friends even mentioned having an extra ticket after his girlfriend dumped him and I told him I could take it off of his hands,” Daichi said with a soft smile before withdrawing two tickets from his back pocket. “I know Dad said you couldn’t go but he’s working a long night shift the day of the concert and mom said she’d be off at one of her girlfriend’s houses. It seems they totally forgot about you having to stay here…so I was thinking we could sneak you out to come with us. Besides my friends love you. After mentioning it to them they seemed super excited to have to come along with.”

Hide’s eyes widening at the sight of the two tickets in Daichi’s hand. No way. No ever-loving way! There was no way the fates could be in his favor so splendidly! He felt his face flush at the mention of Daichi’s friends being excited for him to come along to. He thought they viewed him as simply “Daichi’s younger, annoying little brother”, granted as a little brother it was a title he willingly accepted, but it made him feel warm that people even thought of him genuinely in that light.

“Seriously?” Hide asked, feeling doubtful. After all, Daichi never did anything against their parent’s wishes, especially when it came to Hide and how they treated him.

“Yeah. Seriously! Consider it a nice bonding moment between us before I go off to college,” Daichi said with a huge grin before it faltered a little bit in doubt, “You still want to go, right?”

“Of course! Oh my god Daichi you’re amazing! Thank you! Seriously man this is-this is so amazing,” Hide responded, struggling to keep his voice down in his excitement. His parents couldn’t know about this and they couldn’t risk them over hearing it. The younger felt his eyes sting with tears.

“No problem little bro. You’ve worked so hard lately, you deserve a night out,” Daichi said as he ruffled up Hide’s hair, laughing at how tearful he was getting, “Wow you must really love this band huh?”

Hide sniffled, nodding as he rubbed his hand across his eyes. That wasn’t the only reason of course. Hide felt so happy that he would getting out of the house for once in his life, it was even better that music was involved. His savior. The thing that lit up his days for him, that reminded him the world could still be colorful. It was moments like these that Hide would keep near his heart. Moments where his brother truly acted like the big brother that he needed and craved for.

Daichi moved to give Hide his concert ticket but Hide pushed his hand away, “No, I don’t want to keep it in here. Mom and Dad probably search through my room, they’d find it in no time and get angry.”

“Ah…good point. I’ll keep them in my room for the time being,” Daichi said with an understanding nod, “Well, I should let you get back to studying before they walk in and chew you out. See you at dinner little bunny.”

“Okay,” Hide said with a soft, genuine smile, before responding once again, “Thank you.”

He felt like that wasn’t enough to convey his gratitude, he felt no words would be enough to convey how happy, how relieved, how excited he was. Daichi would never know how much Hide needed this.

The hardest part of the days leading up to the concert would be trying to hide his excitement from his parents, although he figured if he looked anxious enough he could blame it on feeling nervous about an upcoming test.

~

The days leading up to the concert went by incredibly slow and got even slower the closer the day came. Hide was on his best behavior and even wore clothes that matched for a couple of days, although in all honesty he was trying to search for the most perfect outfit to wear to his first concert. He didn’t have a lot of articles of clothing to choose from that he thought would make him look like the rest of the edgy teenagers his age, and after awhile he decided he would just dress the way he usually did. With the brightest, most obnoxious colors imaginable that totally didn’t match whatsoever. Perfect.

Finally, it was the day Hide was waiting forever for. He managed to sleep a few hours, but he found it hard with how excited he was. It was a lovely Saturday morning and the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one outside. Hide decided to wear a blinding yellow shirt and a pair of equally bright purple shorts. Hide was buzzing with excitement and found it hard to sit still at the breakfast table with his parents and brother. His father was the first to leave. Hide watched from his bedroom window as his mother stood outside to see his father off, giving him a kiss and waving him off as he drove away. After about an hour his mother came up to his room to check if he was doing what he was supposed to, which was studying. After seeing that he was (haha not) she said that she was going, and she would be back before their father returned tonight. Before he knew it, he heard the slam of the car door announcing his mother’s leave and it was just him and Daichi.

“Really? You’re going to wear that?” his brother called from his doorway. Hide was standing at his window, watching their mother’s car disappear down the road before he turned around to shoot Daichi a grin.

“Of course. I don’t necessarily have the wardrobe of an edgy, punk, teenager so I decided I would rebel against fashion itself to show my edginess.” Hide explained, his older brother nodding in understanding.

“Alright, well Taki is going to pick us up in his car and he’s bringing everyone else here to. He should be here in a little bit. I’m going to grab some water bottles, so we don’t have to spend money on making sure we’re hydrated,” Daichi responded as he pushed himself off Hide’s door jamb and left to go downstairs. Meanwhile Hide was jumping up and down in excitement, happy that he could finally show it without feeling nervous that their plan was going to be found out.

In about fifteen minutes Daichi’s friend pulled up to the house in his van and the two of the exited the house. Hide ran on ahead of his brother to the car. Taki a black, spikey haired man rolled down his window, shouting a greeting at the excited middle schooler, “Yo, Hide! Dude where’s your eye make-up!? You know we’re going to a rock concert right?”

Hide squinted at Taki, noticing the black outlining his eyes that made his brown eyes pop. Hide had to say, he looked pretty freaking sexy looking like that.

“Dude we’re trying to sneak him out. Mom would throw a huge fit if she saw him wearing black eye makeup,” Daichi explained to his friend as he opened the door behind the driver’s seat, moving in the far back, pulling Hide along with him. They sat with a small girl with long black hair and heavy eye liner, she decorated her face with sparkly stars and rainbows. She was another one of Daichi’s friends that wanted to go to college for art, her name was Akiakane but preferred to be called Aki. Hide absolutely loved looking at her drawings and paintings. She did most of the murals decorating the school with the other art students.

“That simply won’t do! This is his first rock concert Daichi, he needs to wear some eye makeup!” Aki tsked as she rummaged through his hand bag and pulled out her face paint and make up, “I swear to god Taki if you run over every pot hole on purpose I will kill you!”

“It’s your fault you wanted to do your makeup on the way here! Besides you look fine Aki, I swear to God we could be driving on a gravel road and your makeup would still look flawless,” Taki responded.

“Okay fine. We just have to make sure we get it off before we get back home,” Daichi said, raising his hands up in surrender. He knew better than to get in the way of Aki when she wanted to paint, whether it be someone’s face or someone’s wall. Everyone knew not to get in Aki’s way when she felt inspired.

“No problem, I got plenty of wipes,” a girl from the front said, she had straight brunette hair and reminded Hide of an elf. Not the small Christmas ones, the beautiful elven people you would see in a video game. She was Taki’s girlfriend, but he had forgotten her name. There were a couple of other people he had only met in passing and also forgot their names, but they seemed very excited and happy to have him here. There were all guys, one of them looked very feminine and had dyed his hair purple. Another art student that Hide thought looked adorable. He remembered that he was shy.

“Alright, Hide, face me and don’t move okay?” Aki said, gently grabbing Hide’s face and moving his face so he was facing here. She ignored the fact that Hide flinched quite violently at having his face touched.

“Alright, close your eyes,” Aki commanded as the car finally got moving. Hide obeyed, his eyes twitching a little bit at first in fear when he felt the girl slowly begin to trace the sensitive skin right above his eye lashes.

“God Hide you have such long eyelashes,” Aki complimented, her breath ghosting over Hide’s face.

“Doesn’t he? God I would love to put you in makeup sometime,” the shy guy piped up from in front. Hide felt his face flush a little bit.

“Maybe another day?” Aki suggested. Based on her tone of voice she seemed very keen on the idea and Hide knew he wouldn’t be able to run away from this one. The girl began to gently trace his other eye, “Alright, keep your eyes closed so that it’ll dry.”

Hide continued to sit obediently, a perfect canvas for Aki. After Aki finished his eyes, she opened up her face paint.

“Alright, now for face decorations! I think you’d look nice with a sunflower on your cheek,” Aki responded.

“Hey no fair! I want to draw on him to!” the shy guy pouted.

“Well what are you waiting for? Come back here then!”

“Draw a penis on his face,” one of the guys laughed out immaturely.

“Fuck off Derek,” Aki responded back as the guy with purple hair climbed into the back seat, sitting on Daichi’s lap.

“You don’t mind, do you?” he asked in a soft voice, batting his eyes cutely at him.

“No, I don’t, but if you draw something distasteful on my brother I won’t hesitate to shove you off.”

“Love you to Daichi!” the guy chirped out with a soft smile, as he grabbed some of Aki’s face paint, “Alright, I’m thinking a cute little bunny on his other cheek.”

“Cute!” Aki squealed happily.

By the time the car ride ended, Hide had vines crawling up his arms and under his shirt. He had a cartoon bunny rabbit on one cheek and a sunflower on the other. Flowers were decorated across his forehead, sort of reminding him of a flower crown, minus the fact he didn’t have one on his head. He felt like a walking, strange, alien and he didn’t mind it one bit. He felt it fit his personality well and he felt more colorful than he had in months.

“Perfect! You are a work of art!” Aki said, blowing him a kiss as she took out her phone to snap a photo.

“You were such a lovely canvas. Thank you for letting us paint you up,” the guy, he later learned was named Sora, complimented as he finished painting tiny, flowers of many different colors on the vines on his arms.

“No problem,” Hide grinned happily.

“Oh my god Daichi your brother is so cute,” Aki squealed, “I just want to squeeze his cheeks.”

“Please don’t,” Hide joked with a soft laugh.

“I hope you two are done turning Hide into a walking work of art because we’re here,” Taki announced as he pulled into the parking lot near a huge stadium like building.

“Oh my god I’m so excited!” the girl in front squealed, “We have to get band t-shirts!”

“Totally,” one of the other group members agreed as they slowly got out of the van. When Hide stepped out of the vehicle he raised his hands above his head and stretched, looking up at the huge building before them.

“Dude I’m going to crowd surf so much during this,” another guy piped up.

“If you hurt yourself, I refuse to take care of you,” Daichi scolded the guy as they walked up the building as a group.

 

“It’s not that bad. I mean as long as you’re small and not over weight,” the guy responded, “Dude your lil bro should try it. It’s totally freaking awesome!”

“I really don’t want my brother to be dropped on his more than he has to be during his lifetime…”

“He won’t be. The kid’s a twig! Besides we gotta show off those good-looking face and arm paintings Aki and Sora did!”

“I get it’s his first concert, but I seriously think we should listen to Daichi on this one. We’re already pushing it by bringing him here,” Aki responded, “Besides these crowds can get really intense sometimes.”

Hide had to admit. Crowd surfing did sound fun, but his brother was right. He was seriously pushing it by not staying home. He swore to himself one day that he would try crowd surfing one day, when he was older and didn’t have his parents looming over him. The group went to the line that was beginning to form for admission into the concert and Hide felt his heart beat pick up in excitement.

Once they got through the line and had their tickets scanned the group found the merch table and made a bee line for it.

“Oh, dude sweet! Look at the shirts they have! Oh my god it’s the album cover On Letting Go,” Aki squealed, pulling out her wallet.

Hide was fine with waiting for the group to get what they wanted from the merch table and made a mental note that for his next concert he should totally bring some money. Daichi stuck closer to the group, laughing and chatting with his friends.

“Hey. Hide aren’t you going to get a t-shirt?” Sora asked.

“Ah…nah I didn’t bring any money with me. Maybe next time,” Hide responded.

“What!? No way this is your first concert! You have to get a band t-shirt!” Aki cried out with a pout.

“It’s fine I really don’t want one,” Hide responded, lifting his hands up in surrender with a nervous laugh.

Aki shook her head before tapped Sora on the shoulder and whispered in his ear. Sora smiled and nodded softly before he tapped Taki and Daichi on the shoulders and talked to them. Taki nodded and took out his wallet, so did Daichi, taking out a few bills before handing them to Sora. Aki took the money from them before approaching the merch table before pointing to one of the shirts with a colorful hot air balloon decorated on it. Hide continued to wait patiently for the rest of the group, unaware of what Aki and Sora had planned. Before he knew it Aki was running at him with a t-shirt.

“Hide put this on!” She commanded.

“W-Wha- W-Why!?-“

“Because it’s your t-shirt and you have to wear it! Everyone else is wearing theirs!” she said as she wrestled to put the t-shirt on over Hide’s head.

“W-Wha!? But I said I didn’t want one!”

“Too bad, you’re getting one. The whole group said you are! Majority rules!” Aki declared, stepping back to observe Hide after she successfully got the shirt on Hide. She gave him a thumbs up, “Perfect!”

Hide stood there in shock, feeling his face heat up in flattery that they would even get him a shirt. He was already thankful for just being here. He looked over at his big brother who smiled approvingly. Hide took this as a good thing and grinned widely, “Thank you!”

“No problem! Now let’s go find a good spot,” Aki said, grabbing his arm as she dragged him back over to the group. They then thrusted themselves into the crowd as they walked into a huge room with already so many people inside of it with a stage up front.

“Stay near the group okay Hide?” Daichi called out, pushing he way forward until he was beside Hide, determined to make sure he stayed in his line of sight as the crowd thickened.

“Show time starts soon!” Taki shouted above the din of the crowd before turning to Hide,” Are you ready for the time of your life little dude?”

“Heck yeah!” Hide laughed, his eyes wide and bright in childish excitement as soft music began to play from the speakers in preparation for the band to take the stage. He found the crowd thickening was making it hard for him to see the stage in his short stature though. Hide stood on his tip toes, trying to see the stage. He didn’t know when the concert was gonna start and even though he was mostly there for the music, he wanted the full experience which also involved being able to watch the performers perform.

“Ah, there starting to take the stage!” Taki announced,” Here little dude, lemme help you out.”

Hide yelped when he felt hands circle around him and lift him up. Taki easily set Hide on his shoulders with no problem at all.

“Y-You didn’t have to-“Hide protested.

“Nonsense. Part of the experience is seeing them actually perform! Look ahead! See? They’re coming out,” Taki yelled up at Hide who stopped protesting in favor of looking ahead to see the band members finally take the stage. The crowd cheered deafeningly and Hide heard Aki squeal next to him, jumping up and down in excitement. Hide was in awe as he stared ahead. Hell, he could barely register the lead vocalist greeting the excited crowd. It was surreal how emotionally charged the atmosphere had gotten and when they began to play the first song, Hide felt his heart swell in emotion and recognition.

Lost in a haunting thought

Spinning me around once more

I wake, just to feel the way

As the daylight comes around

I turn, with my eyes on the back door.

Hide found himself softly singing along with the crowd to the music, although it felt different from when he was singing in his room. It felt more electric. It was like the world had been put on pause and all that mattered was the moment that was shared here with a crowd of strangers. The air was charged with emotions, some Hide found difficult to identify. Even with the somber lyrics, Hide felt the world shift into clarity, his senses seemed stronger. The smell of perfume and sweaty bodies, though strong at times, felt welcoming to him. The lights on stage seemed brighter, and Sora’s purple hair was more iridescent. Hide was struck with the thought that maybe this is what heaven was like, or at least pretty close to what heaven was like. Even with some people out of tune, the way the crowd swayed and sung along with the band members felt peaceful and heavenly.

Verse after endless verse, I can't escape the echoed words

I long to find a cure for the feeling I find in these chords

I smile as it burns

Hide felt entranced by the song lyrics and was surprised to actually feel his eyes burning. For a moment Hide was struck with fear that his emotions could be so easily controlled just by someone singing on stage. The fear soon dissipated when he saw other people in the crowd become just as emotional as they belted out the lyrics as well. This was a safe place where Hide could feel any emotion he wanted to feel. This was a place where he could forget the world outside and let the music take over his body and soul. The pulsing off the bass vibrating through his body was foreign and unwelcomed at first, but once Hide got used to it, he found it filling up the empty spaces within him, filling him with peace.

Taki looked up at Hide, smiling at his reaction before looking over at Daichi who had a strange look on his face that looked like it was a mixture of sad and happy. They didn’t mention the fact that they noticed tears were rolling down Hide’s face. Instead they continued to listen to the music with Hide perched on Taki’s shoulder.

As the concert went on Hide found many songs that he never listened to before. He found new favorites and cheered alongside the crowd of strangers at songs he recognized. However, there were two songs in particular that stood out to him and made an immense wave of emotion flood through his entire body. The first song played a song much gentler than some of their others.

We believe to fully understand you, you must step inside

For all the reasons we can think to hate you

We want to make it right

Sora yelped in joy as he recognized the song and began to sway along to the song, happily singing along with Aki, their arms around each other.  
Just say you'll keep your eye on everyone

Take a last long look at where you are

Allowance received and I can't believe

There's anything like this

'Cause if you're half as good as you say you are

Then you can prove it

Stare like you'll stay alive

If you stare like you're there

Hide felt a sense of warmth go through him and he swore for a moment the world popped intensely for a moment in color, like the world was resonating with the song itself. He felt more tears gather in his eyes as he felt himself relate to the song being played out. He was so used to putting on an act, of staring like he was staying alive, of making sure the person he portrayed was one that was happy and care free. This was around the time when Hide began to suffer major bouts of depression, where he thought about self-harming but never tried to do it yet. In a way he felt violated, like the song was poking at all of his weaknesses and flaws, but before it could hurt him too bad the music began to fill the holes it poked and prodded at. It let him know that he was okay, that someone understood what it was like to put on a mask for people. It was one of the scariest, surrealist, adrenaline rushing moments of Hide’s life. While he heard the lyrics over his phone or radio before, there was just something about hearing it sung in real life that just made it all the more powerful.

The second song was the one he had sung before in his room. A song that resonated deeply with him to, especially when it came to his feelings of not being good enough for his parents.

I would find a different way to say

You're going to have to change everything you've made

You're going to have to reword every metaphor you'd use

So that people who are hearing aren't confused

If that's the most important thing you do

Detail every ounce of pain that you went through

Make sure you leave something down to show the way back

Make sure you leave something down to show the way back

Hide felt himself singing loudly with the chorus.

Every way you wonder if you're wrong

Every way you wonder if you're wrong

Inaccurate and imprecise

There is no gift without a price

Although he had been singing softly along to the songs he knew up until now, it was like the song demanded Hide sung along with it. It was like the song was launching an attack on Hide, to break down the wall that he’s built up around himself, to keep the flood at bay. Hide found himself at mercy to it and the wall beginning to crumble, drawing out the emotions that demanded to be heard, ripping them from his throat, making it burn pleasantly as he sung with the rest of the crowd.

I'm so mistaken, lost my direction

My souls been shaken

I would find a different way to go

There's no signs in life to guide you on that road

And if it's the most important thing you'll say

Make sure they understand

Every way you wonder if you're wrong  
(I'm so mistaken)

Every way you wonder if you're wrong  
(lost my direction)

Every way you wonder

Every way you wonder  
(my soul's been shaken)

Every way you wonder if you're wrong

You are

When the song finished, Hide felt lighter than he’d ever felt in months. He felt bone tired but relieved. Even though he felt strangely violated and confused about how something like this could happen, how he could be so easily swayed to show such emotion over someone simply performing a song, he felt addicted to the feeling. He wanted to go to more concerts. He wanted to sing his heart out. He wanted to share so many more beautiful moments like this a room full of strangers. Each a misfit. Each having their own lives to go back to with their own personal battles to fight against.

Before he knew it, the concert was over and they made their way back outside. The night air cooling Hide’s burning, sweaty, and tear stained face. Taki still carried Hide on his shoulders.

“Awhhh! The sunflower got wiped away!” Aki complained as she stared up at Hide’s ruined face.

“Sorry…” Hide said, immediately apologizing.

“Nonsense, it just means you had fun, right?” Aki chirped, basically saying indirectly that she had forgiven him.

“God that was such an amazing concert! I only listened to one or two songs from them before hand…god I didn’t realize they were so good,” one of Daichi’s friends  
commented as they made their way back to the car.

“Yeah. They’re a pretty cool band,” Daichi responded, glancing at his phone to check on the time. Hide was too tired emotionally and physically to notice the flicker of nervousness flash across his face. When they got back into the car, the girl that was in the passenger seat beside Taki withdrew some wipes from her purse and began to help Hide wash off the face paint and make up from his face. Nobody commented on the fact that they noticed the black streaks running down his cheeks. If anything, they probably thought it was sweat instead of tears…or at least that’s what Hide hoped they thought.

Hide then took off the band t-shirt, shoving it into the little bag Daichi brought along with them for the trip. He noticed how tense his brother looked and the small, sad, nervous smiles that he kept giving him. Maybe he was just tired?

Then before long they pulled up to their house and as Hide turned around to look into their driveway, he felt his heart sink when he saw his mother’s car sitting there. Right next to their father’s. Oh crap. She got home before they did and told their father.

“Oh shit…” Taki swore as he shot a sympathetic glance back at Hide, “Sorry little man, guess your mom beat us.”

“Well if you get grounded we could always send care packages to you,” Aki offered, not understanding the severity of the situation. They thought he would only be grounded for going out of the house when he wasn’t supposed to. Hide knew better though. He knew his mother told his father. He knew was going to get his ass chewed. He knew he was probably going to get the shit beat out of him.

Daichi knew this to, but he kept his mouth shut as they exited the car and waved good bye to their friends. Hide stayed silent, feeling the color drain from his face. He wished he could’ve just stayed in the car. He wished he could’ve just told Taki to gas that thing and drive him as far as he could away from here. His legs were weighed down with dread as he slowly walked up to the entrance of the house with Daichi and gulped when his brother opened the door, revealing their parents who looked less than pleased.

“Daichi, go upstairs to your room,” his father commanded as the door was closed behind them.

“Dad, it isn’t his fault. It’s mine, I persuaded him to come with us when I knew he was supposed to stay here-“ Daichi started.

“Go to your room, we’ll discuss things later,” he dad repeated. Hide felt his stomach drop sickeningly at the tone of his voice. He was screwed. He was so fucking screwed. He watched Daichi’s shoulder’s slump in defeat and Hide felt fear wash over him as he walked upstairs to his room. He wanted to shout after him to come back. He wanted to scream at him to put more of an effort to help deflect the inner rage that his parents were about to unleash on him. He couldn’t do this alone! Not after everything! He was tired, he just wanted to sleep. He wasn’t ready to snap back into reality.

When Daichi finally got up the stairs and they heard the door of his room close, Hide’s attention moved to his parents. He found him taking a step back, but his father reached out quick and slapped him hard across the cheek. Hide gasped, but before he could put a hand to cheek his father grabbed him by the chin in a vice like grip. This one was a lot harder than the one he had on him before when he wouldn’t shut up about the damn concert. Hide felt his father’s stare burn into him and he found himself cowering away, looking down at the floor, anywhere but the stare that threatened to burn him alive.

“What point of staying home and studying didn’t you understand Hide?” his father growled out, Hide felt a hand grip his upper arm and squeeze painfully, “Look me in the eyes when I’m talking to you.”

Hide resisted the urge to struggle, to squeak as his eyes flickered to meet the angry gaze of his father.

“What point didn’t you understand?” His father asked again, “Do you want to fail Hide? To live out on the streets? You’re always think the world is your oyster but it fucking isn’t. You’re such a lazy piece of shit! Can you imagine the promotion you made me miss out on because of your stupid little stunt!? You were supposed to be here all day studying! You knew that! Your grades are fucking disgraceful as they are and yet you’re so willing to fuck around all day without a care in the world without even once thinking about how it’ll reflect on the family name! I thought we made this clear for you so what did you not fucking understand!? Answer me!”

“I-I don’t know,” Hide squeaked out, feeling his tired mind over load. He knew that wasn’t a good answer, based on how hard his father was squeezing his arm. He was afraid to see what kind of bruise that would form, “S-Stop! T-That hurts! A-Ah!”

Hide’s vision was reeling when he felt another harsh slap against his face, his head whipping to the side violently.

“Shut up! You are to stay in your room tomorrow, all day. You got it! You are to stay at that desk and study and I expect that whatever question I ask you that you have the correct answer. Got it?” His father yelled at him. Hide flinched, feeling his jaw shift under his father’s grip as he grabbed his chin again to keep his gaze locked into his own.

“Y-Yes! Yes sir,” Hide yelped out, feeling angry when he felt tears spring into his eyes. He hated showing such weakness to his father. To his mother who only stood behind and watched as her husband hurt her child.

With another hard slap his father let him go.

“Get the fuck upstairs to your room and stop crying or I will give you something to cry about.”

Hide nodded and got up to his feet quickly before scurrying to his room where he quickly shut the door and launched him onto his bed. He buried his burning, stinging face into his pillow just in time to muffle the sobs pouring out of his throat.

Every way you wonder

Every way you wonder  
(my soul's been shaken)

Every way you wonder if you're wrong

You are

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys so I promised to write some one-shots of Hide's memories based off of my fan fic I did for Hide Big Bang this year. Anyways I hope you guys enjoy them also if you guys are wondering about any possible 'memories' or things you wanted to be fleshed out (or scenes you wanted to see) from my story, hit me up about them! Also the song mentioned at the beginning and end of the chapter is Every Way by Circa Survive. Other songs are We are Thieves and Stare Like You'll Stay by Circa Survive. I highly recommend you listen to them!


End file.
